Catch A Falling Child And Put It On A Riser

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

— It rained a monsoon today and Ladybug has been seeming a little run-down, not sick but starting to drag from having been so busy for weeks, so I decided to use the common sense that God blessed me with and stay home from Bible study this morning.  I hated to miss.  I've been attending "An Overview Of The Bible," basically a crash course on the whole Bible.  I have loved each week and have seriously brushed up on note-taking skills I haven't used since my lit classes in college.  It's been very interesting and informative.  I also love getting to spend time with women my age.  However, the heavy rain that I didn't want to fight traffic in made for a great reason to just stay home and be today.  I've been catching up on some housework, and Ladybug had been playing dolls and just having a fun day at home.  Considering I'm sharing the couch with two cuddly puppy-girls right now, I don't think Lucy and Dory are sad we stayed home.

— Speaking of busyness, the preschool choir  has their Christmas program in a few weeks.  The kids have started to practice on risers.  The first week they didn't pull out enough risers, and Ladybug didn't really have room.  Well, that made her think that she wouldn't get to sing with the choir.  She loves singing in choir, so her heart was broken.  She ran to me, crying her little eyes out.  Thankfully room was made for her, and all was well in the land of Ladybug.  Once practice was over, she asked me why she didn't get to sing a solo in the microphone.  I explained to her that solos are for the five-year-olds who've been in choir since they were three.  Meanwhile, my principle job is to stand behind the risers during both performances with a couple of my mom-friends in order to catch five-year-olds falling from the top risers.  Yes that is a job, and yes it has happened in the past.

— We need to find a new favorite place to eat as a family.  Our favorite burger joint changed the seasoning on their burgers, and neither Bart nor I can stomach it.  I think it's awful, and it makes me sad.  I don't really understand the need to change things, because business has obviously been great for the past five or six years.  To me, it's like the New Coke of hamburgers.  We've been told that we can order burgers without the new seasoning, but will they taste right?  I just don't know.  It makes me sad.  We love the business and the owners,  but I can't keep buying food that turns my stomach.

— Ladybug is probably a bigger fan of football than Bart or I.  She loves both the Razorbacks and the Sooners, but she has told me that she loves the Razorbacks "just a little bit more."  She had to go to bed before the end of either game Saturday night, so she spent her breakfast time Sunday morning watching the replays on the ESPN app on her iPad.  She then was looking at old pictures and learned that I did not attend either OU or the U of A.  She isn't old enough to understand that larger universities cost more money and was just brokenhearted that I went anywhere else to college.  Hopefully she'll be able to attend wherever she wants.

— Chores are calling my name, but as I have typed this I have been cuddled up with a snoring Dory.  I seriously hate to get up, but I need to do the thing!

This, That, And Ladybug Kissed A Boy

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

— I bought a pillow today.  Isn't that just the most exciting news you've heard in ages?  Well, it is for me.  I've been needing one for a while, and finally the pain in my neck from sleeping on pillows that stopped supporting my head and neck some time around the Sochi Olympics grew too much to endure.  So, after picking Ladybug up from school today we went to Bed Bath and Beyond to buy a pillow.  I consider it a successful trip, because we left with said pillow, and only a Frozen projection nightlight and a new pink blanket for Ladybug's bed in addition.  Honestly, you would have thought we had been in Target.  Anyway, I'm hoping it lasts at least a year before I have to replace it.  Right now, I just can't wait to sleep on it tonight.

— I worry that my neighbors think that I've been "entertaining gentlemen callers" over the past couple of months as Bart has been driving out-of-state rental cars and working out of town far more than he has been in his office.  Actually I worry that many people think certain things about our marriage since we both haven't worn our wedding rings in months either.  The latter compounded with the former makes it look like we're having problems.  Nope.  We just both need to have our rings sized and keep putting it off.  I refused to do it while it was so hot and humid this summer, because I know that would lead to the rings being sized too big due to swelling.  I knew it would have to happen some day.  It was inevitable that my size 4.5 finger would get a bit more plump over the years.

— Saturday we took Ladybug to watch The Peanuts Movie.  We all enjoyed it greatly, but she laughed all the way through the movie.  It really was good and sweet and stayed true to the heart of Peanuts, even if it was computer animated.  It will surely be added to our collection when it comes out on digital.  This was the fourth movie we've taken Ladybug to.  So far, we're three to one in good to bad movies.  Cinderella was awesome.  Inside Out was cleverly wonderful.  Peanuts was sweet and wonderful.  Our only disappointment was The Minion Movie.  The minions couldn't carry an entire movie any better than Joey Tribbiani could carry his own sitcom.   Anyway, watching The Peanuts Movie with Ladybug was worth missing what could possibly have been the most exciting Razorback game this decade.  Also, listening to Ladybug tell people that she watched "The Peanuts Movie" without enunciating the "t" in Peanuts is just priceless.  Our girl is really growing up.  I love we can actually take her to movies now!

—Ladybug is keeping us on our toes.  In Sunday School this week, she announced that during 2x2 (preschool worship) she kissed her friend Mr. E on the cheek.  I was shocked and slightly embarrassed but mostly laughed it off.  I haven't had a chance yet, but I do plan to apologize to Mr. E's mom in person, just in case he didn't appreciate Ladybug's burst of affection.  I was thankful that:  1) it happened at church and not a public school where she could have been suspended or some other nonsense, 2) I haven't heard any complaints about her assaulting him, and 3) knew that it was entirely innocent.  Her poor Daddy just had a more difficult time learning the news and gave her strict instructions not to kiss boys... EVER.  We'll just see how that goes.

— When she isn't going around kissing boys, Ladybug has been very busy displaying her *ahem* leadership skills... a lot.  Call her bossy, call her a leader.  Whatever you call her, she likes to tell people what to do.  We're working on making her sound less demanding and more polite.  At times I think it may take my entire life, but then she says somethings so very gentle and polite I wonder if I live with two Ladybugs.

 The weather turning has caused several old injuries of mine to ache.  In light of that, here's a little PSA for everyone. As the Christmas season approaches, you will undoubtedly be wrapping many gifts. When you do so, please be sure to not leave any scissors on a couch where they can fall between cushions. Impalement of the bottom is only a laughing matter for the spectators. Twenty-two years later, and my pride still hurts.

— Speaking of Christmas, Ladybug has finally reached an age where she can, in a way, make a very detailed list of what she wants for Christmas.  Number 1 on her list this year is an American Girl Doll.  She doesn't want any of the character dolls.  She has picked out Truly Me #47, the one she thinks closest resembles her.  She has also decided that the doll's name will be "Ally." I don't know where she came up with that name, but I like it and am thankful that it's not something like "Elsa" or "Chewbacca."  Ally also apparently needs a chocolate lab as a pet.  The chocolate lab is the closest thing American Girl has to her Dory Gale.  She's planning all sorts of adventures and clothes they will wear together.  She is such a planner.  As such, she's also learning that the whole of society doesn't always go along with her plans.  That is good too.  I want her to know disappointment and learn how to cope.  I don't want her to grow up like today's college students who can't even handle certain words being spoken and need safe areas with calming music, blankets, and play-doh.  I'm an active mom in my kid's life, but I am absolutely not a helicopter parent.
"Momma, I want this doll for Christmas, and I will name her Ally."

— We have scheduled for our friend Erin to take our family pictures on Saturday morning.  I keep waffling between different outfits for everyone to wear.  Looking at the forecast I'm thinking we should wear warm clothes and possibly thermal underwear.  Whatever, I hope they turn out better than L's school pictures did.  I guess it will depend on if the wind blows in her face.  That apparently makes her angry.  Keep your fingers crossed.

— It has come to my attention that my original title for this post seemed a little off.  It was "Pillows, Rings, and Ladybug Kissed a Boy."  My brother-in-law thought that could mean something else.  So... I changed it.  Seriously though, I know better than to post a blog when my eyes can't quite stay completely open.  That's why my blogging has been almost non-existent lately.  Our fall schedule leaves very little free time for coherent blog writing.  BTW, sleeping on the new pillow was AWESOME!

Today Could Have Been So Very Different

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Last month, on the 15th, it was National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day.  I thought about posting something that day, but didn't.  I barely marked the day at all, except for an Instagram post that evening.  I don't need a special day to remember the two pregnancies that I lost.  I carry them in my heart each and every single day, and I don't have any desire to bring attention to myself regarding this.  Today though...  Today is a little different.  By the time you read this, I would probably have been holding our newborn in my arms had things turned out differently last spring.

Technically my due date is a week from today, but I have scheduled cesareans, so today would most likely have been the day we met our little boy or girl face to face.  Life would be so altered just from what it was yesterday, but it's not now.  It's just not...

Almost all of the time, I am doing pretty great, but sometimes things do get to me.  The first time it really hit me that we were nearing when I would have been due was when the Pottery Barn Christmas  Catalog arrived.  I don't have to order a new personalized stocking to hang with the others on our mantle.  I have been lackadaisical in scheduling family pictures for Christmas cards.  We had already planned on doing combination birth announcement/ Christmas cards this year.  We don't often shop at Carters for Ladybug's clothes anymore, but most of her dresses still come from there.  The first time I walked in for her fall dresses, I almost ran right back out.  Oh, how I love those little onesies and sleepers with the pictures on the bottoms!

People all around me are having babies it seems, and I'm going to be honest about this.  It makes me feel great!  Seriously, I don't look at other babies with jealousy or get upset.  Each one is a blessing.  I know the joy of motherhood, and I honestly don't begrudge anyone that wonderful blessing.  I can be happy and share others' joy and still miss the two babies I never really got to know.

A few weeks ago, Ladybug was learning about Joseph and his brothers in preschool.  At dinner she mentioned how all of her friends at school have siblings, but she doesn't.  Seriously, that broke both my heart and Bart's.  It took a couple of months for her to stop asking about our baby all the time last spring, so we didn't choose that moment to reiterate to her that she has an older and younger sibling in Heaven.  Maybe we should have, but it kind of caught us off guard.  Instead we told her to that if she wanted a sibling that she should pray for one.  That's what we do.  We pray.

At this point in time, we're not in a place where we want to pursue fertility treatments or adoption.  We don't feel called to either.  Rather, we believe that if God wants us to have another child, we will in His perfect time.  Like I read in "Fight Back With Joy" by Margaret Feinberg this fall, we ask "What If God?"  However, we also surrender to, "But If Not."  IF we only have Ladybug, we have been blessed more than enough.  It has taken me a couple of years to get to a place to accept that, but here I am!  Here I am.  Somewhere in my mind though, I imagine my home with not only 3 and half year old Ladybug, but a five year old and a newborn, and my heart is full.  I wonder who they would have been here on earth.  I always wanted a houseful of children.  I may only have one at home, but I have a heart-full of sweet babies.
"... You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over.
 Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place (Psalm 23 5b & 6 AMP)."
"For I know the plans I have for you” — this is the Lord’s declaration — “plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11 HCSB)."

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