Physically I'm pretty much back to normal. I have probably just one more blood test to take just to make sure everything is good, but I feel pretty great physically. I'm thankful for that, because even though I genuinely like my doctor and think she's awesome, I'll be ok not seeing her for a while. It will be nice to not have my arms look like pin cushions too.
Emotionally, I'm in a really good place. I've not been without joy these last few weeks. I'm not going to lie and say that I don' t have my moments, but as a whole, I'm doing well. I think a lot of people are expecting me to just... I don't know... collapse? The thing is, though physically this miscarriage was worse than the first one we had, emotionally, spiritually is has been much easier. My marriage is in a better place than it was five years ago, and I am in a better place in regards to my relationship with God.
That's the thing too. I trust God's will and His plan. I think I've mentioned it before, but the morning before that fateful appointment when we learned we weren't welcoming home a new family member in November, I was reading in Luke Chapter 8, starting at verse 16. One portion of that selection is where Jesus healed the man who was possessed with the legion of demons. Once the man was free, he begged to stay with Jesus. Jesus, however, had other plans for him. In verse 39 Jesus commanded the man to “Return to your own house, and tell what great things God has done for you (NKJV)." I highlighted that verse, feeling God would have something for me to say that day. I just hoped it wouldn't be what it was.
I've mentioned it before, but there's a great shroud of mystery in our society regarding miscarriage. No one really talks about it. In fact, we're encouraged to not announce pregnancies until after the first trimester, because so many end in miscarriage before that time. I've been on that bandwagon. Heaven knows it's not easy telling people that you're not pregnant anymore. It's one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do - in some ways more difficult than the actual miscarriage. Of course one of the reasons it's so difficult is because people don't know how to react. So, I feel that one of the reasons we've one through this trial is because God wants us to talk about it in order to help others heal. He wants me to tell what great things He is still doing in my life.
That first week, before the actual miscarriage started, we were in shock and tried our best to do everything as normal. Throughout everything, we've tried to keep everything as normal as possible, especially for Ladybug and ourselves. The things that people did that meant the most to us were the kind texts and messages, the flowers from a friend on my birthday, the offer of a dinner cooked even though the scheduling didn't work out, friends taking L when we had to go to the ER and watching her during one my followup appointments with my own doctor, and a special care package from a friend miles away. Most of all, your prayers have been felt and appreciated.
What I've learned so far in being so open is that some people have a lot of questions about miscarriage, because, again, it isn't discussed. So, I've tried to answer them to the best of my abilities. I want to tell everyone how God has carried me through this. He is indeed good. That same morning I read on in Luke 8 the account of the woman who bled for twelve years touching Jesus' cloak and being healed. Jesus told her, “Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace (NKJV)." I have a peace about me like no other, and I am of extremely good cheer.